


Worth it

by Bananafish_91



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Eventual Relationships, M/M, Pining, Shy Lee Taeyong, Slow Burn, Taeyong is a sunshine, jaehyun is whipped, mutual feelings, other nct members appear, shy jaehyun is cute af
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-10-30 04:46:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17822165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bananafish_91/pseuds/Bananafish_91
Summary: Taeyong colors Jaehyun's grey walls with beautiful murals each day. And the days when he is too weak to lift his brush, Jaehyun gives him his much needed quota of encouragement. Follow them both as they embark upon a journey starting from their rookie days.





	1. Chapter 1

Taeyong's fluidity is evident in the way he moves. His dancing is soulful. He embodies the grace and intricacies in the routine thus creating a flow of never ending pleasure to the one who sees it.

 

Jaehyun is fascinated with Taeyong, the way he moves, the way he makes the routine his own. None can do it quite like him.

 

With a final bow, he finishes it effortlessly. Jaehyun is smitten. He is star-struck with the sheer force of nature that is Lee Taeyong. Moments later Taeyong sits beside him shoulder to shoulder, not paying much attention to Jaehyun's inquisitive eyes.

 

"You're staring you know?" He states as a matter of fact. Jaehyun's ears redden at his own brazenness. Before he cowers, he finds a hand casually stroking his nape, soothing out his stiff muscles in comforting circles. He sees Taeyong smiling back at him fondly and flushes again to the tips of his ears.

 

"Your ears are so impossibly red!" Jaehyun sputters indignantly before shuffling away from the giggling male beside him.

 

"C..can you teach me?" His voice comes out so feeble that Taeyong has to keel over to his side to listen to the younger's request.

 

"Teach you what exactly?"

 

"To...to dance" Jaehyun knows about Taeyong's past struggles. Their dance instructor almost gave up on him. However Taeyong and his hardwork didnt falter at the slightest. Jaehyun knows because he has seen him sweating it out at the studio at odd hours instead of sleeping. Jaehyun knows because he aspires to be someone great like Taeyong, someone who stands the test of fate and time.

 

"Of course Jaehyunnie...." Taeyong's eyes crinkle adorably as he smiles and Jaehyun's heart skips several beats at the endearment. What he is experiencing now is far beyond his comprehension. Hence he doesnt put a name on it. For now. For now he is busy wondering how Taeyong's eyes sparkle brilliantly under the studio lights and how soft he looks as opposed to the person he becomes when he owns the stage.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun thinks the older male is crazy but if this is how they are gonna squeeze in some time for each other then so be it.

Call him delusional. But he could feel it in his guts. His impending debut as an idol is so close he could taste it. Taeyong on the other hand had taken the limelight a long time ago as the face of SM's ambitious project called Neo Culture Technology.

 

As a result, Jaehyun doesnt get to spend as much time with him as he wishes. Taeyong is always preoccupied with all kinds of stuff like coming up with choreographies for showcases, writing lyrics, composing and all such paraphernalia that come with being an idol.

 

He misses him. No. Missing Taeyong is an understatement at this point. Jaehyun seems to be lacking motivation to do anything at this point. Spending quality time with the older was something Jaehyun had always looked forward to. He knows that moping around isnt going to do him any favors so he finishes his practise and decides to call it a day.

 

As he walks past the practise room, he sees him with the new kid from Canada. Taeyong and the newbie Mark. Mark is a sweet kid and Jaehyun has personally interacted quite a bit with the little ball of energy. Right now though, he wishes he were Mark.

 

Mark is the newest addition to NCT's rapper lineup and him being able to spit bars puts him in a constant loop with Taeyong. The pair stunned the higher ups with their dynamics a week ago at a recent showcase. Everyone was in awe.

 

At times like this Jaehyun feels like Taeyong is so far out of his reach. He is sitting right there but the divide is palpable enough. A feeling so foreign to him settles at the pit of his stomach and he feels sick.

 

He heads to the dorms and tries his best to fall asleep. Instead he ends up lying on his bed staring blankly at the ceiling. A few minutes pass and then he hears the front door open. Quiet shuffling stirs him from the comforts of his bed and he goes to see who is outside.

 

But before he could do that, a thin body pushes past his doorway and lets himself inside. It is Taeyong with a mischievous grin, holding what seems to be a carry bag filled with late night snacks to binge on.

 

"Lets eat Jaehyunnie..." He rushes to get plates and bowls from the kitchen. It is well past midnight and everyone is asleep. Jaehyun thinks the older male is crazy but if this is how they are gonna squeeze in some time for each other then so be it.

 

They have tteokbokki, ramyun, sausages and what not, enough to send them into a food coma. After clearing out the dishes, both lie on Jaehyun's bed, patting their bloated tummies and sated hearts.

 

"If I disappear into the men's room in the middle of practise tomorrow and dont come out for a while, you know the reason why!" Jaehyun says and burps disgustingly loud. Turning his head to the side, he sees Taeyong's face briefly scrunching up.

 

"Oh come on. Have some self control." He scoffs at the younger.

 

"Thats a man burping you know. Not like someone who purrs like a kitten." He teases and observes Taeyong's big eyes widen in shock. He then realises for himself what he has done. This is a first of many things he has done and yet to do with Taeyong.

 

"Ooh someone's getting bold enough to tease huh!" Taeyong sits up and momentarily sends Jaehyun into a panic.

 

"I am sorry. I just ran my mouth off without thinking and...um...if you dont like it then..." Jaehyun gets rudely interrupted in the middle of his rant by a hand stroking the hairs on his nape. At this point, he establishes that it is Taeyong's way of showing affection. And it astonishingly brings him to peace as if those beautiful hands have magical powers of their own.

 

"I like it. I like this Jaehyun a lot." He says. Jaehyun wonders why though. Why does Taeyong always know the right things to say? How does a mere compliment make him feel so warm and bring him utter bliss? Before he is overwhelmed with feelings he has been deprived of feeling for a while, he removes those magical hands from his nape and holds them in a firm grip.

 

"I missed you. I missed you so much" He says but refuses to meet Taeyong's eyes, fearing he might break any second if those doe eyes meet his.

 

"I missed you too Jaehyunnie. Come here." Jaehyun lets himself be scooped up into Taeyong's warmth.

 

"Sorry I couldnt spend time with you this past week. You know how things are hectic with our debut and there's still a lot of things that need to be done..." Before Taeyong works himself up, Jaehyun hugs him tightly and settles into the crook of his neck. Jaehyun thinks he smells good. A mix of his lavender cologne and just....him.

 

"I understand. You dont have to explain." He reassures him and smiles as his dimples cleave his puffy cheeks. He knows Taeyong is putty for his dimpled smile.

 

"And....I cant leave now that your dimples are in full show. You know my weakness, dont you brat?" Taeyong barks harmlessly as Jaehyun's throaty laughter fills the small room. His eyes are suddenly mirthful and confident enough to ask what he has been thinking.

 

"Sleep here beside me? Tonight?" He blushes to the tips of his ears as Taeyong's toothy smile turns his eyes into crescents.

 

"Your wish is my command" he says as he huddles closer to the younger and falls asleep soon after. Jaehyun pulls the duvet over both their bodies and settles in. Pushing away strands of chestnut hair, he strokes the smooth forehead and wonders how he got so lucky. Lucky that he is acquainted with this wonderful human being.

 

With telltale signs of a wonderful feeling blossoming in his heart for the older, he falls asleep but not before uttering.....

 

"Good night"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun's inner turmoil as Taeyong's bleached hair is unveiled. And also Doyoung doing God's work by confusing little Woojae's brain. >.<

"I dont want to ruin my hair!" says Taeyong exasperatedly. It is decided that five of them are to debut under the name NCT U. Jaehyun, Doyoung, Ten and Mark are also there to get their hair done.

 

"I am sure its not as bad as it seems." Doyoung says but it barely fazes Taeyong as he sulks and splays on the couch at the waiting lounge. Jaehyun on the other hand feels sorry for the older. Except for Taeyong, all four of them are either getting their hair coloured or trimmed.

 

"Excuse me. You're not the one getting his hair bleached for eight fucking hours." As Taeyong says this he is immediately called for his session. His puppy eyes seek Jaehyun's as he groans and trudges towards his doom. Jaehyun is compelled to respond in an encouraging gesture but all that comes out is a pitiful smile that doesnt quite reach his eyes.

 

"Cant the other guys go first?" He listens to Taeyong asking the stylist. To which she disagrees with a nod of her head.

 

"Your session prolongs for a solid eight hours. So you are up first." She says as Taeyong's shoulders slump in defeat. However she assures him that its not as bad as it seems with a comforting smile. Jaehyun figures thats what all stylists say until the client comes running with a balding head. Doyoung senses Jaehyun's worry radiating off him from the sorrowful expression the younger wears on his face.

 

"You like him, dont you?" His voice is considerably reduced to a whisper and Jaehyun blushes at the older's blatant assumption.  
"Of course you like him. You two are practically attached to the hip." He adds. Jaehyun doesnt know how to respond to this so he says what immediately comes to his mind.

 

"He was the first one I got acquainted to so yeah..." He doesnt have any idea if it sounds convincing at all but what Doyoung says next is totally unexpected.

 

"No need to get so defensive Jaehyunnie. I know you dont like him that way."

 

"Or...do you?" Wiggling his eyebrows he teases Jaehyun. Jaehyun responds by simply pushing Doyoung away in mock irritation. Before he could get to reprimand the older for unnecessarily sending him into a "gay panic", all four of them are called for their respective sessions.

 

One thing's for sure. Doyoung pulls no punches and is perceptive as hell. Jaehyun makes a mental note to keep his emotions in check when it concerns Taeyong especially around that guy. He has to make sure his obvious emotions dont send the wrong signals to people in his vicinity.

 

But something is triggered from within him. His mind keeps replaying the preposterous question Doyoung asked a few moments ago as the stylist applies colour onto his strands. Does he like Taeyong as something more than a friend? He always feels good when Taeyong is around. He has always wondered how someone can be so good looking. Jaehyun has also been caught staring at Taeyong in more occasions than one by Taeyong himself. He admits that he has quietly observed the older's features while they conversed.

 

He is beyond confused now and all he wants to do is deck Doyoung, who is currently getting his hair coloured as well. To his left he sees Taeyong pleasantly snoozing away while his head is covered in foil, mouth slightly parted as he breathes and Jaehyun finds it adorable. The only thing that breaks Jaehyun from his reverie is Ten's shriek.

 

"Where is my hair?" And the whole salon erupts in laughter. The shorter male's hair seems to have been shaved close to his scalp on the sides. Mark seems to have doubled over in laughter. Taeyong has woken up as well from the raucous and is laughing quietly.

 

They wait for Taeyong's session to be done so that they can go back home together. Doyoung establishes that he looks good with red hair. Jaehyun has his hair dyed in the perfect chocolaty tone and curled at the ends while Mark says he resembles a poodle. Ten's apparently mourning the loss of his black locks.

 

"Hey sorry for making you wait." They all turn their heads to see the person who has just come out of the salon. And none of them can stop staring with their mouths hanging open. Taeyong looks like an angel sent from above with his bleached hair.

 

"Stop staring at me you weirdo!" He raises his fist in a harmless gesture at Doyoung who reels back.

 

"Ya well I am more surprised you still have hair on your head after eight hours. What do you eat?" Ten asks playfully.

 

"We all thought we'd have to drag you kicking and screaming but I guess it turned out all right." Adds Mark.

 

"Ya well news flash. Apparently they want me for two more sessions until I am qualified enough to cosplay Jackfrost. So we'll see how my scalp holds out for the ultimate abuse in a few days." Taeyong says as they begin walking towards the car park.

 

As their car speeds away towards their dorms, Taeyong cant help but notice that Jaehyun is awfully quiet. Too quiet and withdrawn.

 

"Why are you so quiet? Are you not feeling well?" He asks the younger. It comes out of the blue so Jaehyun stutters initially.

 

"No I am ok." He says and goes back to looking at the vehicles passing by. Taeyong feels like he's been shut down abruptly but little does he know that Jaehyun's mind is a warzone. Especially after Taeyong's transformation. He looks absolutely ethereal. Too beautiful for words. But he gathers the courage nevertheless to compliment the older before he feels offended.

 

"You....you look good. Th..the hair...it suits you" he intends to convey it in a less panicky way but he gets tongue tied easily when he sees Taeyong's dazzling smile after he has complimented him.

 

"Ahhh Jaehyunnie thank you....you look good too." He says and ever so casually he rubs Jaehyun's nape. It is something that Jaehyun has got used to by now.

 

"Ah you took me by surprise really. I...ugh....thought it made me look like a grandpa or something...really..ha ha" It is the first time Jaehyun sees Taeyong blush and he suddenly decides to see it more often because of the sheer cuteness. But for now he eases himself into this comfortable conversation as they head home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick question: What do you guys think of the pacing?  
> This might seem a little slow to most people but I figured I shouldn't rush them both into romance just yet.  
> So please let me know if this is ok or not


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taeyong refuses to let anyone in when he is beyond repair. He'd rather be confined to his own thoughts. Yet Jaehyun finds his way in pulling him away from the suffocating darkness.

It feels like an era has begun for the five of them. Their MV for their song titled "The 7th Sense" is already out and people from all around the world are raving about it.

 

The feeling is surreal. To be able to stand on their own two feet on a stage they have only ever dreamt of. For Taeyong the feeling is ten fold. For the first time in his life, he feels his dormant blood surging in torrents from within his veins. He is thrumming with excitement as he breezes past routines after routines of dance. Yet the feeling isnt quite right. Why does it leave a bitter aftertaste everytime he swallows?

 

He knows. He has seen the articles online. Shocking news of star rookie's past scams. All the hate and unwanted media glare, the backlash, the social media is tearing him apart so much that SM has to intervene for damage control. Taeyong isnt particularly proud of his childhood to be honest. It was probably a difficult adolescent phase but that could never be an excuse to scamming people online with faulty items. Which is why he chose to bury it such that it never resurfaced.

 

Yet here he is now. Feeling exposed and vulnerable to all the hateful glares and finger pointing. Somewhere down the line, he cant help but feel like he's fucked it up for the other rookies who are yet to debut. The others are innocent. They dont deserve to be seen in a negative light because of his screw ups. He feels like utter shit and decides to concentrate on his routine till his whole body is sore and he cant feel his arms or legs. To the point that its pure muscle memory that carries him forward.

 

He doesnt stop and doesnt want to stop. To some he may seem like a petulant child high on sugar but to him this is his Nirvana, his little world where he can feel no pain. He doesnt pay attention to Doyoung's request to join them for dinner. He brushes off Mark when he comes asking for help with the lyrics by saying he is busy. The rookies revere him, especially the younger ones, for his dedication and his perfectionism but his draconian work ethic can only take him so far. Which is what happens exactly at this point.

 

As he pivots on the balls of his feet to try a pirouette, there's an audible tear on his lower back. Everything happens so fast that he barely has time to save himself from the fall. And then the searing hot pain has him doubling over on the wooden floor, his hand clutching his lower back for support. He is panting and drenched in sweat and cant think straight.

 

It is half past midnight. Everyone has either gone home or is busy upstairs in the recording room. His stomach plummets when he tries to get up on his own and he cant. He silently cries as he realises that no one will pass by these corridors for help. He curses at himself for this self inflicted injury, for being reckless, for burdening his parents.

 

He is so busy berating himself for this predicament that he doesnt hear footsteps padding his way. He looks up and sees Jaehyun crouched beside him, looking beyond worried.

 

"How did this happen? Taeyong what were you thinking?" Jaehyun doesnt give two fucks about honorifics at this point as he visibly seethes from where he is standing, an arm he has placed securely around Taeyong's waist gingerly pulls him up.

 

"Jae...Jaehyunnie. It hurts. It hurts so bad." He clings to the younger as if his life depended on it. Jaehyun sighs in defeat and helps him sit on one of the couches.

 

"I cant sit. It hurts when I sit." He writhes in pain as a few more tears make their way down his cheeks. Jaehyun cups his face and makes eye contact. Taeyong has seen better days he thinks. He has always had the perfect image of Taeyong in his mind. Headstrong, driven, hard-working with a take-no-prisoners attitude and caring and compassionate at the same time. The Taeyong in front of him looks nothing like the perfect image. Not even close.

 

He is wrecked. His chest has deflated. His gaze is out of focus. He is nothing but a shell of his own self and Jaehyun's heart shatters seeing him this broken. But it also puts him in a different perspective. Taeyong is far from the perfect poster boy he is projected to be. He is human. He is allowed a few mishaps and slip ups.

 

"I should have never joined. Because of my foolishness, you guys will...I wont forgive myself if that ever happened. What was I..." All his sentences are in bits and pieces as he chokes.

 

"Nothing will happen to us. You have to pull yourself together!" Jaehyun tries his best to pacify. However none of that reaches Taeyong as he shakes his head in denial.

 

"Listen to me. Taeyong look at me damn it!" His voice sounds harsher than he intends it to but it draws Taeyong's attention towards him. For the first time that day, he sees Taeyong for who he is. Not whom he should be for the sake of NCT. His big beautiful eyes are red-rimmed from crying, with unfallen tears. His nose is wet with snot and his lower lip quivers and shakes like a leaf. He looks absolutely gorgeous even when he is this wrecked.

 

"Please stop beating yourself up over what's happened in the past. You're not doing any favors to us or to you if you end up injured like this." Taeyong cries some more but Jaehyun refuses to ease his hold. Instead he wipes the fresh tears and gently kisses the sweaty forehead. He is mildly shocked at his own boldness but desperate times call for desperate measures. And he sees it working its magic as Taeyong visibly calms down.

 

"All of us have done something in our past that we're ashamed of. What's important is that we learn from our mistakes and try to better ourselves. Taeyong you are already a better person from the moment you issued a public apology." Jaehyun says and waits to see if everything he's just said sinks into Taeyong.

 

"But...but they still hate me....all those comments...I deserve their hatred..."

 

"No...no...please really...really listen to me. Even a man with a spotless track record will have haters. They will still hate him no matter what he does. So Taeyong, you have to tune those people out of your life. Dont let them decide your fate." He pauses again.

 

"Please dont let me see you break like this again. Not when we all look up to you. You may not realize it but we are all jealous of you, you know!" Taeyong looks at him confused.

 

"Why....why would you be jealous of me?" He sniffs.

 

"Because of who you are now. You literally had to pick yourself up from scratch. You built yourself up brick by brick. You polished your dancing and rapping all because of your hardwork. So Taeyong, you have absolutely no right whatsoever to tear everything down. Not when you've come this far! You get me!?" Jaehyun's deep voice commands him with an authority he doesnt know he possesses.

 

By the end of his tirade, Jaehyun realises that he is crying as well. Taeyong's breakdown has probably taken an emotional toll on him too. He then feels a feverish forehead touching his. Opening his eyes, he sees Taeyong smiling at him. It is a weak, tired smile but a smile nonetheless and it is heartening to see it.

 

"When did you get so bold?" He asks. "The last time I saw you, you were this shy quiet pretty boy." This makes Jaehyun smile through his tears.

 

"Look at you. You're a sobbing mess." He wipes Jaehyun's tears away.

 

"Huh...look who is talking!" Jaehyun says and detaches himself from the older.

 

"Ok I get it.....Jaehyunnie I am sorry. Sorry for breaking down like that." He apologizes and Jaehyun holds both hands firmly in his.

 

"It is perfectly alright to breakdown. Taeyong it is ok to cry once in a while. To let your emotions tell the whole world that you're not ok. But know this. You're not alone in this struggle. We're all here to pick you back up when you fall. I....ugh...I will be here....so just never ever have second thoughts about your self worth." Jaehyun finalizes.

 

Taeyong's smile widens at that and he almost immediately reassures the younger with a gentle press of Jaehyun's nape with his palm. What Jaehyun does next surprises him. He releases Taeyong's hand on his nape and yanks him into a much needed embrace. Taeyong feels overwhelming warmth and affection from the younger and his heart feels full.

 

"Promise me you would never blame yourself." He demands.

 

"I promise." Taeyong gives in and buries his head into the crook of Jaehyun's neck.

 

"Promise me you would never be reckless and harm yourself." He demands again.

 

"I promise." He repeats and takes Jaehyun into his arms. When he does that, the younger's weight shifts a little over to his side and he winces from the shooting pain on his lower back.

 

"What's the matter? Does it hurt a lot?" Jaehyun asks him pulling away from the hug.

 

"Ya it kinda does. I cant walk."

 

"So ugh....what should I do? Should I carry you bridal style and take you to the hospital?" Jaehyun's suggestion is innocent but Taeyong's cheeks colour immediately.

 

"Oh hell no. Just....um...isnt anyone else available at this time? I heard Doyoung was gonna be recording tonight." Jaehyun chuckles at the older's flustered state and calls Doyoung for help.

 

And so when Doyoung comes around and sees the mess in the practise room, he throws a fit and scolds Taeyong to no end. Later he is mounted on either side by his trusted companions and taken to the hospital.   
The doctor examines him and concludes that it is nothing serious. He is later given mild steroids for pain killers and a supportive belt to be worn for the muscle pull. He is also advised to avoid strenuous physical activity for a month. Then they all go back home together for a much needed rest.

 

Jaehyun is right. As Taeyong looks back at the effort he has made to get to where he is now, he wonders what would have happened if he had left himself to dwell on his past. He is surrounded by people like Jaehyun and Doyoung who care about him. And he is sure that if he ever needs a rude awakening to reality, he can count on his members to do it for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This really took a toll on me emotionally.   
> I had to string several occurrences within a single update and proof read it again and again....and again! Whew!  
> Narrating Taeyong's past was especially difficult. I know it still is for us NCTzens whenever the subject is brought up.  
> But I am glad he's grown past that and is much much happier now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for giving this story a chance. Jaeyong is my ultimate OTP from NCT.  
> This is my first outing here in AO3.  
> Hoping this would make you see Jaeyong through my eyes.  
> Updates will range from short to moderately long. Just a heads up!  
> Please leave a comment if you think this is Worth it! ;)


End file.
